Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
