Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
