he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
