Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
