I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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