what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize