Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
