my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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