Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
