I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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