I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
