I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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