I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize