I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
