I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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