Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
