This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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