all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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