why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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