So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
