My nipple is on Facebook.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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