After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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