I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
