I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
