He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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