I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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