I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
