I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
