i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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