Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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