I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
