Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
