bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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