I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
