the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
