i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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