I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
