i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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