so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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