How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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