Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
