I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
