He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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