Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
