he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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