I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
