I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
