i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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