somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
