I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
