how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
