Dual....:-)
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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