My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
