we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
