Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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