i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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