i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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