I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
