Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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