By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
