it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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