well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
