He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
