Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
