took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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