We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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