he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
