Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
