those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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