Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
