I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
