Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I deserve this hangover.
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