I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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