My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
