I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
