It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
