I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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