i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
